Fourth of July

I spent the 4th with Alex and her boyfriend, Michael, and his family.  We all went over to his parents house where his sister (who lives there) and brother/sister-in-law (who live in Houston) were all hanging out.  I have met Michael's parents before.  And they love me (as they should, haha).  But it sort of felt like I was at Thanksgiving or Christmas at someone else's house (minus the presents or cold weather), and I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time.  Everyone there knew everyone and we all sat around a big table and ate food and they talked about people and things I didn't know about.  I mean, it was fine, and I joined in where I could, but I still felt a little awkward.

Either way, after eating and a few people taking naps (haha), we headed off to the Rangers baseball game.  We were close to the top, but we were in the shade and had a perfect view of the field and the fireworks.  It was a close and exciting game and the fireworks show was amazing.  Overall we had a good time and I am glad I went with them.

Happy Independence Day America!

 These cupcakes were delicious!! But seriously!

 Jason pointed out to me the other day that Michael looks like my friend Trevor.  I had never put it together before he said it, but they do have the same facial hair and hair color.  I can see it.  Although Michael is Cuban...and Trevor is definitely not.  Haha

A Steal

The other day I will feeling "ugh" about my life so after work I went to this antique shop that I really like.  I was just browsing, not planning on buying anything when the clerk told me that all of their artwork was 50% off.  I decided to take a look at what they had and I found a piece that I really liked.  It was already marked down and was now 50% off of the marked down price.

Sold!

It is hanging by my front door with three nails holding it up.  It is pretty heavy, and I am fully expecting to come home from work one day and find it shattered all over the floor.  I just don't know how else to hang it.

Either way, I like it.  And it was a steal!

Failure

"What would you do if you knew you could not fail?"

My friend Sarah F. sent me a text a few weeks ago asking me the above question.  I hadn't spoken with her in a week or so...so I had no context for the question.  It took me a few minutes to understand what she was asking me.

Once my brain wrapped itself around the question it took off running with all sorts of ideas.  I mean...did you really read that question?  "...you COULD NOT fail!"  As in fool proof.  Guaranteed.  A sure thing.  That's powerful concept!

I think most of us shy away from failing at things in life.  We don't want it.  We try to avoid it.  We problem solve to make sure that we don't.

But we do fail.  We fail a lot, in fact.  It's something that's programmed into being a human.  We are imperfect.  We make mistakes.  We chose wrong paths.  Part of the problem may be that we don't know what will happen in the future.  Or maybe we are just afraid of the consequences.  I am not sure why failure is really such a devastating prospect, but it is.

Like most things in life, there has to be a happy medium when it comes to putting yourself in a situation where you could fail.  It would be foolish to sit in a padded room your whole life fearing things like stubbing your toe.  It would also be considered unwise to take every penny you have ever made in your life and bet it at a roulette table.  There is that middle ground we have to find.  We weigh the effort that has to be put in, the risk, and the possible outcomes...good or bad.  We ponder and we plan, and then we make decisions.

And sometimes we still fail.

On the scale of taking risks and putting myself out there, I sit somewhere between the padded room and the well balanced person.  Some days I'm closer to the well balanced person, and some days I'm all snuggled up to that stupid padded room.  But this quote has rolled around in my head and I keep coming back to it. The thing that still plagues me is I can't really figure out what is so awful about failing.  I mean, its not like I would be all alone in it.  Every single one of us has failed at something and will fail at something else in the future.  So why not dive out there and live life, right?

Yeah.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I have struggled with my weight for basically all of my life.  I cannot adequately explain to you how depressing it is to not know what it feels like to be thin...or average...or whatever.  I have pictures of myself as a young child where I was average or whatever you call it, but I cannot recall a time where I ever looked in a mirror and saw that person.  And it feels like I am failing life.  Like...I am failing at being healthy.  I am failing at treating myself like I should.  I am failing at really loving myself.  And as the quote rolled around up there, I thought to myself, "I want to be thin.  Healthy.  Average.  Not overweight."  And as I fantasized about that for the hundred millionth time something occurred to me that I hadn't ever considered before.

I realized that in this particular situation it is possible to have my ideal outcome guaranteed.  It totally blew my mind.  Like really!  Why hasn't anyone told me this before??  I realized that all that is required for this "ideal outcome" is effort on my part.  There is no magic trick to it.  There is no complicated formula.  There is no betting with odds or statistics.  If I put in the effort it WILL happen.

How empowering is that?!

And as my (now) blown mind pondered this concept of "guarantees," I wondered what else is followed this same formula.  I found another one.

The gospel.

Sure, there are covenants that have to be made and a lifetime of effort that is required.  But after that, short of giving up and getting off the train that is headed to heaven, we are in.  It's not like fighting cancer where they give you a percentage of surviving it, and no matter how hard you fight, you could still lose your life to it.  It's not like that.  We are required to give our best and rest is covered.  How amazing is that?!

So instead of asking you what you fantasize about doing that you could not fail at...

I ask you what you could succeed at if you just put in the effort?



Oh, and by the way, I did respond to Sarah's text message.  I told her that I would start a business and ask out the hottest guy I could find.  Haha!