A Steal

The other day I will feeling "ugh" about my life so after work I went to this antique shop that I really like.  I was just browsing, not planning on buying anything when the clerk told me that all of their artwork was 50% off.  I decided to take a look at what they had and I found a piece that I really liked.  It was already marked down and was now 50% off of the marked down price.

Sold!

It is hanging by my front door with three nails holding it up.  It is pretty heavy, and I am fully expecting to come home from work one day and find it shattered all over the floor.  I just don't know how else to hang it.

Either way, I like it.  And it was a steal!

Failure

"What would you do if you knew you could not fail?"

My friend Sarah F. sent me a text a few weeks ago asking me the above question.  I hadn't spoken with her in a week or so...so I had no context for the question.  It took me a few minutes to understand what she was asking me.

Once my brain wrapped itself around the question it took off running with all sorts of ideas.  I mean...did you really read that question?  "...you COULD NOT fail!"  As in fool proof.  Guaranteed.  A sure thing.  That's powerful concept!

I think most of us shy away from failing at things in life.  We don't want it.  We try to avoid it.  We problem solve to make sure that we don't.

But we do fail.  We fail a lot, in fact.  It's something that's programmed into being a human.  We are imperfect.  We make mistakes.  We chose wrong paths.  Part of the problem may be that we don't know what will happen in the future.  Or maybe we are just afraid of the consequences.  I am not sure why failure is really such a devastating prospect, but it is.

Like most things in life, there has to be a happy medium when it comes to putting yourself in a situation where you could fail.  It would be foolish to sit in a padded room your whole life fearing things like stubbing your toe.  It would also be considered unwise to take every penny you have ever made in your life and bet it at a roulette table.  There is that middle ground we have to find.  We weigh the effort that has to be put in, the risk, and the possible outcomes...good or bad.  We ponder and we plan, and then we make decisions.

And sometimes we still fail.

On the scale of taking risks and putting myself out there, I sit somewhere between the padded room and the well balanced person.  Some days I'm closer to the well balanced person, and some days I'm all snuggled up to that stupid padded room.  But this quote has rolled around in my head and I keep coming back to it. The thing that still plagues me is I can't really figure out what is so awful about failing.  I mean, its not like I would be all alone in it.  Every single one of us has failed at something and will fail at something else in the future.  So why not dive out there and live life, right?

Yeah.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I have struggled with my weight for basically all of my life.  I cannot adequately explain to you how depressing it is to not know what it feels like to be thin...or average...or whatever.  I have pictures of myself as a young child where I was average or whatever you call it, but I cannot recall a time where I ever looked in a mirror and saw that person.  And it feels like I am failing life.  Like...I am failing at being healthy.  I am failing at treating myself like I should.  I am failing at really loving myself.  And as the quote rolled around up there, I thought to myself, "I want to be thin.  Healthy.  Average.  Not overweight."  And as I fantasized about that for the hundred millionth time something occurred to me that I hadn't ever considered before.

I realized that in this particular situation it is possible to have my ideal outcome guaranteed.  It totally blew my mind.  Like really!  Why hasn't anyone told me this before??  I realized that all that is required for this "ideal outcome" is effort on my part.  There is no magic trick to it.  There is no complicated formula.  There is no betting with odds or statistics.  If I put in the effort it WILL happen.

How empowering is that?!

And as my (now) blown mind pondered this concept of "guarantees," I wondered what else is followed this same formula.  I found another one.

The gospel.

Sure, there are covenants that have to be made and a lifetime of effort that is required.  But after that, short of giving up and getting off the train that is headed to heaven, we are in.  It's not like fighting cancer where they give you a percentage of surviving it, and no matter how hard you fight, you could still lose your life to it.  It's not like that.  We are required to give our best and rest is covered.  How amazing is that?!

So instead of asking you what you fantasize about doing that you could not fail at...

I ask you what you could succeed at if you just put in the effort?



Oh, and by the way, I did respond to Sarah's text message.  I told her that I would start a business and ask out the hottest guy I could find.  Haha!

The Exchange

"Decide what you want.  Decide what you are willing to exchange for it.  Establish your priorities and go to work."

I read this quote some time ago.  It got me thinking a lot about the word exchange.  I am pretty sure when this person posted the quote on Instagram they were referencing to working out and being fit.  I don't know who originated the quote and therefore don't know their original meaning of it.  It has, however, stuck with me ever since.

The word exchange literally means to give up something for something else; part with for some equivalent; change for another.

I think a lot of times in my life I feel like I am giving things up.  I am giving up my time.  Or giving up sweets.  Or giving up sleep.  Or giving up my money for this or that.  It gets kind of depressing when you think about life that way.  You feel like you aren't getting anything out of life.  Or maybe that you aren't living up the all the potential that life has to offer.  I don't know, but it's not good.  Then I get depressed about how life is no fun and just a tedious moment after another.  As I have thought on this quote, I have come across a new way of thinking that has gotten me out of my rut.

The quote doesn't ask you what you are willing to give up, it asks what you are willing to exchange.  Exchanging is a much nicer thought than dealing with having to give up all the things you love.  And we exchange all the time.

We exchange food for money at the grocery store.  We exchange our time/talent (careers) for money.  We exchange single lives for married ones.  We exchange service for blessings.  We exchange 9 months of pregnancy for a child.  We exchange reading our scriptures/prayer for a relationship with our Father in Heaven.  We exchange less tasty food (healthy food) for a healthier life.  We exchange our time working out for strong muscles. We exchange countless hours on our children's behalf for relationships with them and to make them strong, independent people.

The list can also work in the reverse way.  You can exchange all of your time at work for a poor relationship with your spouse and children.  You could exchange your health for bad food.  You could exchange inappropriate lustful desires for a poor marriage.  You can exchange unmanaged stress for a shortened life.  This list could literally go on forever.  We don't have time for all of that.  You get my point though, right?

I think sometimes I get hung up on working out because I don't want to give up my time.  But really, I am not "giving it up" per se.  I am exchanging the not working out for a less healthy body.  When I think of it this way, it causes me to think about what I really want for myself.  Is the exchange worth it? Sometimes it is.  Sometimes it is worth the extra rest, but somedays I see my future and I know the strong muscles and healthy body are worth the hour long struggle of working out.  The same is true for every area of my life.  I literally have to talk myself out of calling into work most mornings.  But the exchange is worth it.  I have an apartment.  I have food in my fridge.  I have nice furniture.  So I get up and go to work.

I challenge you to think about this next time life seems like it is being unfair or you have to do something you don't want to.  I am willing to bet if you really look, you will find the exchange.  And you will more than likely find the exchange worth it.

Houston

I went to Houston last weekend to visit my cousins.  They have a little a little girl who is about 16 months old and super adorable.  She pretty much loved me.  I mean, don't all kids love me?  Haha, okay, no.  They don't.  But she did.  And I loved her more.

 

She loooooooves legos.  I built the towers.  And she destroyed them.  We had a mutual understanding.

We also went to the Museum of Natural History and saw the dinosaurs exhibit.  Very cool stuff. 

This is my cousin Patrick in the above pic.  And that is a dino sloth below.  A sloth!  Crazy!

And Yet Another

I thought I had posted this one a while ago.  I realized I hadn't, so here it is.

I might actually love the birds the most.  Haha.

Day 72

Today is day 72 of P90X.  You would think that by now it would be easier, or more fun, or at least more of an auto pilot sort of thing.  But its not really.  Every night it's a struggle to get on my computer and pop in the disk.  Some nights are harder than others depending on what the workout is.  But lucky for me I have a few lovely ladies in my life that keep me going and keep me on track.

Here they are:

That's Hannah at the top with her little girl who was being suuuuuuuuper adorable.  And then at the bottom you have me, Amy, Hannah, and Nicole.

This is how we workout.  And we chat about what's been going on and what struggles we have and you know, just your average girl talk.  It's great because I get to see my girls just about every day of the week.  And who wouldn't love that?

I try to keep myself motivated in other ways too.  For instance, I found this picture the other day that made me laugh and laugh and laugh.

 I mean, how creepy is that day 90 picture??  Soooooo creepy.  I think I would rather be the before picture.  But it still makes me laugh every time I see it.

On a completely separate note, my favorite quote (or "Tony-ism") from P90X is when we are doing triceps extensions (laying down) and he says "Don't smash your face!"  Then I found a picture of this guy (whoever he is) with this shirt.  And I want it soooooo bad.  So if you are feeling generous and want to get me a birthday present (my birthday is a week from today) then feel free to seek out this man and figure out where he got this shirt and get one for me.  K? Okay.  Thanks!

Two and half more weeks and I can officially say that I am a P90X grad.  How cool is that??? Holla!

Recital

Last Saturday Alex had a tap recital that I went to.  She is taking a tap class (she is in college) and at the end of the semester there is a recital for all of the dance classes at the school.  There was also a dance company that preformed and ya-dee ya-dee ya.  It was great.  You get it.

Anyways, my point in writing this post was to tell you about one of the performances.  And no, it is not the one Alex did.  She really did great though, and we all cheered.  But that is not the one i wanted to tell you about.

It was maybe the second or third performance, and out filed about twenty or so people.  Both men and woman.  Their ages ranged from 18 to maybe 40 years old.  I don't really know, it was hard to say.  Some carried hula hoops and some carried long ribbons, and some didn't carry anything.  Right away you could tell this one was going to be different.  Every person on stage was somehow afflicted with a handicap.  A few had Down Syndrome while the rest had other physical and mental handicaps.  My heart was already melting.  I don't care who you are, it takes a lot of courage to get up on stage and perform in front of people.

The music started and there was one person leading the group.  You could tell they were nervous, but they knew their parts and they glanced back to the leader every now and then to make sure they were on point.  I think I cried through the entire thing. Tears streamed down my face from beginning to end.  It was just beautiful what they were doing.  Not because they all did their parts at the exact right moment or because the moves they were doing were so amazing, but because it just...was.  I don't even know how to tell you, but it was just amazing.

I sort of felt like an idiot crying there in the front row.  I mean who just cries like that...in public no less?  But I did.  And I don't care.

And when they were done the audience roared and screamed and praised them for their performance.  They had the loudest and biggest reaction from the audience, by far.  They shuffled off the the stage with their faces lit up like nothing could touch them.

It was wonderful and I'm so glad I got to see it.