Oil

I have been to a couple oil painting classes lately.  They are always three hours long and I walk out with the finished product.

Here are the outcomes of my time there.

 I think it is interesting how dark the sky in the middle looks in the one above, but when you add in darker colors around it, it looks so light!  I didn't change anything in that middle part from the top picture.  Weird, right?

 And that's all!

One Thing at a Time

Are you currently, or have you ever been a New Year's resolution maker?  I used to be huge into it.  I used to love making resolutions for the new year.  I would always get so excited about how I was going to improve my life in the next 12 months and how it would make me soooo awesome!  And then I discovered, as many do, they there is an expiration date on those resolutions and your resolve to accomplish them, and its only about a week or two.

I have come to be smarter about these goals.  I have learned to reduce the number of them, and make them more realistic.  I have also learned that I am not good at working on more than one big goal at a time.  I get too stressed out.  I don't really know if its that I am not good at compartmentalizing my life, or I just stress too much, or what.  But whatever the term for it is, I suck at it.

For instance, a friend the other day asked me why I had not yet completed a certain goal that I have.  It is a goal I have had for a while and when I think about it, it just stresses me out.  I know I need to work on it, but its not one of those 21 day things where I can just make it a habit and all will be well.  It is something that will probably take me about a year or more to accomplish and will include a lot of work and a lot of stress.  And also a lot of disappointment if I don't reach my goal.  I told him I am still thinking about it.  He tells me all the time that I could have accomplished it already if I had just started when I first had wanted to.  I know this.  And I am disappointed I didn't do it then, although looking back, I don't think it was the right time or situation.

But either way I have other big things going on in my life that I am working on and adding anything else to the mix will cause a lot of negative side effects.  Like stress.  Like over eating.  Like getting depressed about things.  Like quitting working out.  Like unnecessary crying.  Like shutting people out.  The list could go on.

But wow, I really sound like a freak! Are we still friends now that you know I do these things???  I know I can be crazy.  Bahhhh. But if it makes you feel better I try to hide the crying and over eating and depression and all that.  Okay, yeah, that doesn't help.  Well, anyways, I am who I am.  It's whatever.

All of this does not mean that I can't multi-task or have more than one thing going on.  I mean, I go to work everyday.  I have friends who I keep up with.  I work out 6 days a week.  I go to painting classes on occasion.  I paint in my spare time.  I work on the books I am writing.  I craft.  I grocery shop and do laundry.  I clean and do dishes.  So I mean, its not like I am totally useless.  I think I am just writing this to make myself feel better about not accomplishing, or working on (for that matter), the goal that my friend asked me about.

The real issue is if i have too many balls in the air, so to speak, at some point I will not only drop one, but I will get tired and drop them all at once.  And then I quit everything in life except for things like showering, sleeping, and dragging myself to work.

So in conclusion, I've decided that it is okay to be a one-goal-at-a-time gal.  I feel like as long as I am working on at least something in my life, then I am moving in the right direction.  Progress is progress, right?

This is what I tell myself anyways.

Journal Entry from 08.28.2012

Me: "I keep failing."
God: "Keep trying."


That was the entire entry.  I read this back today.  I was surprised at the energy with which it hit me so many months later and how much it still applies to my life today even though my struggles are different.







Keep trying.