Seasons

Today I deactivated my Facebook account.  For every person I have told, I have been met with responses that very anywhere from shock to frustration.

Why is this?

Why does deactivating my Facebook mean the end of the world?  As if there are not 5 other ways to contact me.  Either way I did it for my own reasons and I refuse to be guilted into reactivating it.  That is not to say that I won't do it sometime on my own.  In a week, a month, a year...I don't know.  For me, it was simple.  I wanted to see just how much time I would gain in my day by simply cutting this one thing out of my life.  I also deleted Candy Crush from my phone, Pinterest from my phone (only) and a few other useless/time wasting apps.

Time seems to be a precious commodity for me lately and I am simply not willing to give it up so easily over something like Facebook.  I did find myself rummaging through iPhoto on my computer when I got home from work.  After about 20 mins I realized I was wasting just as much time doing that as being on FB so I moved over here to write a post (which was the reason for opening my photos in the first place).

Side note: I do not find blogging a wast of time.  It is good for me and a good use of my time. :))

I think it will take me some time to figure out how to use my time more wisely and not just replacing the time I would have been on FB with something else just as useless, but you have to start somewhere, right?

On a separate but related note I was talking with a friend outside of the gym last night and he told me that he could see a difference in me.  He said something like, "and not just physically, but in your countenance too.  You seem brighter.  Happier."  I thanked him for the compliment.  I have to admit that I feel much that way.  It certainly helps that I am losing weight and feeling better physically, reaching goals, and making plans for future goals, but aside from that I am at the present time maybe the happiest I have ever been in my life.  It is a wonderful feeling!  I could attribute it to a lot of different sources, but really I think I am finally getting my priorities in order.  It has made all of the difference.

A couple of months ago a different friend said something to me that completely changed my outlook on my life. He is about my age and not married either.  We were talking about how we both wished we were married already but that it didn't seem to be something that would happen for either of us anytime soon.  And then he referenced a scripture (I wish I remembered which one) and said that "it would be okay, because this time in his life was meant for something else."  It was meant for doing things that would bring him closer to Heavenly Father and building His kingdom.  That got me thinking about how we all go through seasons in life.

My season of singlehood is longer than I ever had anticipated, but it has given me a unique opportunity to serve HF in a way that many of my friends cannot.  I have the opportunity to go to the temple once a week.  I take my own family names every time and when I run out of names I immerse myself back into my family tree to find more names.  I serve in 3 different callings, all three of which I love and am a little sad that I will be getting released from one of them in the next month or so.

But really, this conversation changed me.  It made me realize I have so much free time without the responsibility of a spouse or children, without family nearby, without little people to cook for, or babies to dress or bathe or messes to clean up (from said children).  I have been given a gift that not everyone gets.  It is not a gift I wanted (and some days still don't want), but nevertheless I can see (a little bit) of the person that HF is building me to be, and as it turns out I LOVE HER.  She is a rockstar!

So I have to make the most of this time, because it will not last forever.  Some day I will get married and have babies and I am sure I will love my life then too, but I have come to a point where I am no longer a victim of this thing called "single."  I am not just wading through the singleness and trying to "make the most of it" or "just survive it" until the time comes when I do get married.  Life, in any stage, was never meant to be lived that way.  I am starting to live it, and love it too!

Probably my favorite talk (ever) was given by Jeffrey R Holland in the October 2012 General Conference.  The talk was call "The First Great Commandment."  I have read it or listened to it at least 20 times if not more in the last 2 years.  

He says many wonderful, thought provoking things, but this part plunges deep into my heart every time and makes me want to be something more than I currently am.

 “If ye love me, keep my commandments,” Jesus said. So we have neighbors to bless, children to protect, the poor to lift up, and the truth to defend. We have wrongs to make right, truths to share, and good to do. In short, we have a life of devoted discipleship to give in demonstrating our love of the Lord. We can’t quit and we can’t go back. After an encounter with the living Son of the living God, nothing is ever again to be as it was before. The Crucifixion, Atonement, and Resurrection of Jesus Christ mark the beginning of a Christian life, not the end of it.

Gosh, this is such a good talk!!  The First Great Commandment
Go read it again, or for the first time.  It is so worth it!

So, just like he said, I have people to lift up, rides to give, ancestor names to find, temple sessions to attend, callings to magnify, scriptures to read, people to serve, dinners to make, prayers to say, people to hug, laughter to spread, motivation to give, light to show, and so on and so forth.  The more I pray for it, the more I find it, and the more Heavenly Father organizes my life to fit it all in.  It is awesome!!

And just as a disclaimer, I hope this post doesn't come across boastful.  That was not it's intent at all.  I am just happy and wanted to share.

Oh, and just because I think she is the cutest girl in the whole world, a few pics of my niece!

That hair is pure ROCKSTAR!! Love her so much!!!

Turning 30

I turned 30 a week or so ago.

30

I mean...30!

Like, with a 3.

So weird.

I said it for the first time a few days before my birthday.  I said boldly and with confidence, "I am 30 years old."  And then I felt really strange.  I always get odd looks from people too, like they really don't believe me.  I mean, I'll take it.  They can think I am still in my 20s all they want.  I won't put up too much of a fight.

I planned all sorts of things and stewed over big huge parties and going on trips with friends to other states.  I planned and re-planned all kinds of things.  And then in the end it turned out to be somewhat anti-climatic.  Not that I didn't enjoy myself, I did.  But you know, there was no big hurrah. The night before I went out to eat with my girls Alex and Bre.  We ate delicious brisket (or at least I did) and sat and chatted about life and boys and whatnot.

On my actual birthday I went to work where my cubical was decorated very elaborately, and breakfast was provided.  My plan after work was to just run some errands.  But then, unexpectedly, I ended up going out to eat with a friend that has been my new workout buddy lately.  He said he didn't want me to eat alone on my birthday.  He came over afterwards and hung out with myself and Bre (she was staying at my place for a few nights while she was in manager training nearby).  He came over because I wanted to show off my new birthday present that I bought myself.

It is this thingy that projects the sky (stars, constellations, auroras) onto my ceiling.  It sounds sort of lame when you say it, but really, it's pretty much the coolest thing when you see it in person.  I discovered it when a family I babysit for was showing me theirs, and I was sold.  It is really so so cool.  Come over.  I'll show you.  I'll make you want one too.  :)

From there the evening got interesting.  Very interesting.  That is a story for another time though (and probably not on my blog).

And that was really all I did on my actual birthday.  A few days after that I had some girls over for a craft/Pinterest party.  We made some string art, which I don't have a handy picture of, but turned out really good.  There was food, cupcakes, lots of banging of nails into wood, and more talking about life and boys and whatnot.

And there you have it.  I am 30.  Weird.  

Footprints in the Sand

I am sure most, if not all, of you have read the little poem called "Footprints in the Sand."

I used to see parts of it on inspirational bookmarks and the like, growing up.

I just looked it up and apparently it is disputed who actually wrote it.  There are a few variations as well, but here is the gist of it.

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.” 

It's a nice poem.  It's nice to think about the Lord carrying us when we aren't able to do it on our own.  I like it.  I always have.  

A few weeks ago I was in California walking along Newport Beach alone.  I had jeans on and Chucks.  

There was already sand in my shoes, but I didn't mind.  My friends Lindsey and Lisa were up a few hundred feet in front of me walking along the shore and letting the waves wash up onto their bare feet.  I don't know why I wasn't with them.  Probably because I didn't want to soak my shoes or take them off. I was walking a little further up on the shore.  The sand was still wet, but the waves were not immediately coming up that far on the beach.  I watched my feet as I walked slowly, thinking about different things and occasionally looking out at the surfers, and runners, and kids.  

This lady was my favorite.  She stood on that board for so long just watching the waves come in.  It was almost like it was a religious experience for her.  I sort of felt guilty taking this picture, like I was intruding on a sacred moment in her life.  

Anyways, back to my story.  After maybe 15 minutes of walking one way along the shore, I noticed that the girls had turned around and were walking towards me.  I continued to walk until I almost met them, and then turned around.  We walked mostly together and mostly silent, back the way we had come. 

It was then that I noticed my own footprints in the sand.  I knew the ones I was looking at were mine, because I know the design of the bottom of my chucks.  All of the footprints faced towards me, now that I was walking back.  It occurred to me in that moment that I had a physical reminder of where I had just been.  It got me thinking about where I had been.  Not just in the last 15 minutes, but in the last year...or 30.  

My mind wandered to daydreaming about being up in the sky and having an arial view of my life.  And what if I could look down and see all of my own footprints and where I had been throughout my life.  Wouldn't it be so interesting if we could do that?

I wondered for a minute where I would see my footprints go.  I wondered where I would find most of my them.  I wondered if there were would be footprints next to mine, representing the Savior or the Holy Ghost.  Or would my footprints be alone?  It never occurred to me that I would be carried by someone else, but I did wonder if their were times when I would see my footprints alone because I chose to walk alone. Maybe I told the Spirit that I knew he couldn't go with me, but I just wanted to see what was over there, and that I would be right back.  Did I ever do that?  Would I do that?  And if I did, would I keep my promise to come right back, or would I say away for a long time?  

We, in the church, talk about the Spirit leaving us when we make bad choices or live a life that is not worthy of the Spirit to dwell within us.  But does the Spirit really leave us, or do we leave him?  Do we leave him standing on the beach, telling him that we just want to take a few steps this way or that, even though we know he can't come with us, and that we will be right back?  Or that he is within sight, and therefore we won't be in danger. 

I also wondered as I walked, how heavy my feet would tread.  How long were my strides?  Was I walking or running?  Was I coming or going?  What direction would they be facing?  It also occurred to me that my footprints might be leading other people.  Would they be small people, like children?  Were they friends, or family, or strangers?   Would I be proud of the places I led them to?  Would my path be safe and happy?  Would I find my footprints in places I had not wished I had been?  Would I find more of them on the dance floors of clubs in than within the walls of the temple?  And what if I found that I was following someone else's footprints?  Where was I being led?  Did I chose the right individuals to lead me to places that were safe or where I wanted to be?  

Would I be able to see the emotional footprints I had tread in the hearts and minds of those I came in contact with?  Did I leave them better than when I met them?  Did I trample over people or pick them up? Was I there for others when their footprints seemed to be stumbling or sinking?  

And does repentance erase some of those footprints, or just "x" them out as if they no longer count?

I don't know if, after this life, we will get to see a run down of all the places we have been.  I do hope to improve my scorecard in the coming years, just in case we do.  I hope that I can remember my footprints in the sand when I am at the forks of life, whether big or small.  I hope I remember that the choices we make matter.  

Amanda's Wedding and California!

First of all, let me say that California is AMAZING!!!

Like, why didn't anyone tell me that I NEEDED to live there every day for the rest of my life?!?!  Because seriously it was everything I had hoped for and more.  The weather was perfect.  The view from EVERYWHERE was amazing.  I never found a spot in CA that I didn't look out and think, "WOW."

Let me prove my point here, because I feel like you might not be convinced.

Can I also just say that every one of these pics is unedited, un-photoshopped, and unfiltered.

So now that you get it (I trust that I made my point to you), I can move on and tell you about Amanda's wedding.  It was in the Redlands, CA Temple.

Are you kidding me with this sky?!  Again those pics are unfiltered.  The sky really looked that good.

It was my first time to see a sealing (wedding) in the temple.  There were so many of us.  I counted something like 30 chairs and about 65 people (not including the bride and groom).  It was crowded, but also lovely.  The person preforming the wedding said he hadn't ever seen a "party"this big outside of Polynesian weddings.  Hahaha.

After the wedding and some pics of the couple, Lindsey, Lisa, and I went out to lunch, ran some errands and then made our way to the reception.  We were a few hours early still, so we walked around the California Citrus State Historic Park where her reception was to take place.

Then there was the reception.  It was so much fun!  Usually I don't have a ton of fun at receptions.  They get boring really quick, for me.  But this one was not only beautiful, but a lot of fun. 

My lovely ladies!!

They also had THE BEST cupcakes I've ever had in my life there!  And a In-n-Out food truck.  Yeah, you read that right, a food truck (with a very attractive worker who I wanted to bring home to Texas with me)!

This was a s'more cupcake and this picture does it NO justice.  So delish!

Also, I got new glasses.

We also stayed in this really amazing hotel.  Bonus!!

Oh California.  You won me over.

My Initiation

The family whose son I watch during the week call me their nanny.  I haven't ever called myself that with any other family I have worked for, but I suppose it's true.  I have a schedule 4 days a week with them.  They don't have to call me and tell me when to come over and I don't knock on the door or ring the door bell when I come in.  I just come in.  That's mostly because they aren't usually there when I get there.  I also do light house work for them and I wash their son's bedding and clothes weekly.  I know what foods he will eat and not eat.  I know how to put him to bed and know when he is ready for bed by the look on his face.  I could even tell you his evening poop schedule.  Don't worry, I'll spare you the details.

So I guess that makes me a nanny.  I'll take it.

Today Jacob, their son, decided to initiate me in to the nannying world by throwing up all over me.  And when I say all over me...I literally mean all over me.  It was on him too, and the floor, and the area rug, and the couch, my clothes, his clothes, his hair, everywhere.  One minute everything was fine.  We were discussing some very deep philosophical principles of Sponge Bob Square Pants, and the next minute I was covered in vomit.  We were covered.

His dad walked in about 60 seconds later.  He was already stripped down at that point and I was running his bath water.  He was hysterical, shaking, and drooling.  I was trying to be calm and soothing as I rushed but he just screamed.  He screamed in the bath too (which only lasted about 60 seconds total) and as I put him in his pajamas.  When we came out to the living room again his dad was cleaning up the vomit that I had left there when it all went down.  I rocked Jacob as best I could, trying not to get any of the vomit still on me, on his clean pajamas.  I gave him to his dad when he was done and I changed.  It just so happened I had brought my workout clothes with me, which I was going to change into anyways.  Thankfully not sooner.

Parents will tell you it's a smart idea to bring a change of clothes for your toddler when you are out and about.  They are the best at soiling their clothes, whether it be with bodily fluids or with mud or whatever.  They are little tiny professional at this task.  I would like to add that I discovered first hand that it is also smart to bring along a change of clothes for everyone involved.  Cause you just never know.

Thanks Jacob for the lesson.  The sounds, smells, and sights of it all have been tattooed on my memory.

Good thing you're so cute.  :)

Retail Therepy

I have been wanting to buy new makeup for some time now.  My current makeup is old and almost gone and I just wanted to switch up some of my colors.  I decided to go to Target to buy new stuff. I knew it wasn't going to be cheap to buy all new makeup, but I felt like Target would give me some good stuff without vastly overcharging me.

I was having sort of a sucky day when I had planned to replace my makeup.  I should just tell you that being in a bad mood and going to target are not good combinations for your wallet.

So I went to target and picked out some new makeup.  I expected to spend about $60 total.  But then I got caught in the dollar isle.  Then I decided to try on some clothes.  That made me more depressed.  Before I left, I found myself in the shoe isle.  That was my downfall.

New makeup, several dollar items, and 4 pairs of shoes later.  I was checking out with 200 less dollars in my pocket.  Yeah.  200!

I have been thinking of returning the two pairs on the right.  I have worn the two on the left already and I love them.  We will see.

Also, you see that lipstick in the top picture?  Yeah.  That was my bold purchase.  I got my inspiration from my good friend Amy who rocks bright red lipstick on occasion.  I thought why not?

Red lipstick rocks!

So there you have it.  Stay away from Target on bad days.  ha!

It's All Relative

The past few months have found me busy with lots of things to do.  Too much to do probably.  I have discovered amongst the craziness of it all, that I get done as much as I want to get done.  I prioritize things and I get done as much as I decide to do that day.  That may seem obvious to you, but when life is busy you feel like you "don't have time" for anything.  That's not really true.  You have time for what you make time for.

The past few months I have been "making time" for work, nannying, babysitting (for other families), a painting certification course, dieting (it takes time, trust!), working out, sleep (I guess), speaking in church, teaching RS (sunday school), institute class, family history class, a second (church) calling, making food (for said institute class), hanging out with friends...etc.

I thought I was busy.  There were moments when I thought, I just don't want to do this much anymore. I'm tired.  There were times when I thought, I can't do this.  Life is funny when you make statements like I can't.  It tests your limits sometimes.  It makes you see that you are much more capable than what you had previously thought.  I discovered this most recently when I got a text from a friend asking if I would watch her dog for the next week while she was out of town.  She seemed desperate and I don't really say no to people unless I genuinely cannot do what they are asking of me.  I clarified that this dog could go 8 hours without being let out to go to the bathroom.  Arrangements were made and 30 minutes later a white fluffy dog was at my apartment sniffing all the nooks and crannies.

A few months back I was sitting around talking with someone about jobs and finances when he said to me, "I am just now getting comfortable with what I make..."  I remembering thinking, if I only made what you make, I would be living the high life.  Before I could even make a face at him, he finished his thought, saying, "...for the life I have built.  It's all relative."  I have thought about that phrase several times since then.  He is comfortable with what he makes.  I would feel rich making that much.  And someone else who struggles to make much more than minimum wage would kill for my current salary.

I am just beginning to discover that we have the lives we build for ourselves.  Sure life can help you out with great experiences or opportunities.  You could be blessed with some amazing talent or ability.  Or life could be constantly handing you a crappy hand that has surely been stacked against you for some time now.  But in the end we all get to choose the life we make for ourselves.  We pick up the cards we have and we play the best we can with what we've got.  We create our own attitudes towards our situations.  We react how we choose to react.  We smile as much as we choose to smile.  We remember our blessings as often as we choose to remember them.

So I had this dog that I was now caring for who was making my life busier.  I was having to make multiple trips home a day in between my jobs and working out.  I was really beginning to resent living on the 3rd floor and just how tiring it is to walk up and down 36 steps a dozen times a day.  I was (for the first time since living here) annoyed with some distant neighbor who was letting their dog (faintly) bark at 1 am which was making "my" dog bark at 1 am and causing very little sleep to happen among anyone.  I didn't want to have to pick up poop from my floor or run up the 3 flights of stairs only to throw my stuff down, strap a lease to a dog and run back down the stairs and then pick up more poop from the grass.

I remember multiple times telling a friend that all I wanted was my busy life back sans dog.  Funny how the "busy" before was all I wished for after I got busier.

The dog did go home eventually and I felt relief for being back to my 14 hour work days and nothing else.