Sometimes I Wonder

about people I don't even know.  Do you ever wonder about such things? Maybe that makes me weird. I don't know.

There has been one woman who I have wondered a lot about lately.  I am not sure what has triggered it, but she pops into my mind every now and then.  And my mind wonders all about her.

I don't know her name, or if she even living anymore.  But, I can tell you that she played a significant role in my life.

Here is why.

She is my biological grandmother.  The biological mother of my dad.  Some of you may know that my dad is adopted.  So is my aunt (his sister).  They did not come from the same biological parents.  Most of the time I forget they were adopted.  If you saw them together though, you would probably be able to tell that they aren't related.  Their demeanor is very different.  They look different.  But maybe it is only me that notices.

My dad was adopted by my grandparents when he was just days old.  They were never able to conceive their own children and they were so grateful for the wonderful gift that they were given.  Twice.  My dad has only talked about being adopted a few times that I can remember.  I have heard him tell the story of how my sweet grandparents, Mary and Bill, came to be his parents.  And only once have I heard him respond to the question of whether he ever looked for his biological parents.  He said with pure conviction that he could not have been raised by two better people and that his "parents" are his parents.  End of story.  He will tell you that he never even considered looking.  Because it didn't matter.  He had everything he needed.  I have never sensed any insecurity or missing piece because he was given up.  My aunt, however, did look for her biological mother and found her.  I think that my aunt would tell you the same, that my grandparents were great parents and were her parents as well.  But I think she just needed to find something she was looking for.  And I think that is courageous.  I think that decision is very personal and has to fit each person uniquely.

Like I said, I don't know why I have wondered so much about this woman lately, other than I have some friends that have just adopted a beautiful little girl.  And I am so happy for them.

But, back to this woman.  I wonder if she is still alive.  I wonder what her name is.  What she looks like, or looked like when she was young?  I want to know her story.  I want to know why she gave up her baby.  Was it her decision? Or was she made to give up this baby? This was 1950, afterall.  Unmarried women were not able to keep their babies a lot of times.  I am of course assuming she was young and unmarried.  Because why would a married woman give up her child?  But more than her decisions in that spring of 1950, I long to know who she was as a person.  Was she a nice girl?  Was she stubborn, like me? Was she blonde? (Both my dad and I are blondes) Did she get married some day?  Did she have more children?  Did her husband treat her well?  Did she have a career outside the home? Did her children call her when she was old and take care of her?  Did they know about her first baby? Did she live in Muncie? Did I ever unknowingly see her or meet her?

There is a small part of me that is growing to love this woman that I don't know.  Which I think is a little weird, but okay I guess.  I very much love the grandparents that I know, and I don't think that loving this woman takes away from that.  I also wonder if someday, after this life, I will get to meet her.  I will never be directly sealed to her, but I do hope that I get to meet her.  And talk with her and give her a hug, and thank her for being so courageous.  I would tell her that she did something for her baby that was wonderful.  That he was well taken care of and loved like their own.  And her sacrifice was the very best parenting decision she could make for him.

Ahhh...the mysteries that await us in this life...and the next.

Now, if I could write that book, that one might sell.  :)