Goodwill

The other day I was hanging out with some friends and somehow the topic of shopping at Goodwill came up.  One of the guys chimed in and said that he will never shop a Goodwill.  Then he recanted a story about how his mom would take him and his siblings to Goodwill when he was a kid and he would refuse to go in.  He would hide in the car and cover his head with a blanket to keep from anyone seeing him there.

I thought this was somewhat amusing.  I mean, I guess I can understand it being embarrassing, but I shop there.  Not regularly.  In fact it had been several years since I had been there (when we were talking about it), but I'll admit that I go there.

And so I did, the next day.  I was passing by one and I thought, "why not?" And let me just tell you.  That place is amazing!

I mean, where else can you find these vintage grandma glasses from the 80s?

And where else can you find this...pink...shimmery...lacy phone?

And don't even get me started on this sofa!  I mean, is this not the BEST sofa you have ever laid your eyeballs on??  I dare you to find a better looking sofa.  I DARE you!

Good ol' Goodwill.  

Theater

I go to the movies a lot.  I like movies and there is one like 3 minutes from my house.  They also serve food there.  Like, real food.  With waiters and everything.  And the food is good.  So I go. I usually go alone, though.  This is due to the fact that I get bored and a lot of times I don't have anyone to go with me.

I remember the first time I went to a movie alone.  I felt so awkward.  Like everyone was staring at me.  They probably weren't but I remember feeling liberated and also like I never wanted to do it again.  I suppose it takes courage to go to the theater alone.  Maybe.  I don't feel courageous or anything.

But listen.  I can't go there anymore.

Today when I went the girl at the window for tickets recognized me.  She asked me if I had just been there recently.  I said I had.  I am starting to get recognized by the staff!!  This is a bad sign.  Really bad, people.  I can't be that sad girl that comes to the theater alone all the time and her only friends are the people who take her money at the ticket window.  I can't!!! I WON'T!

It was almost as bad as the time the girl charged me for two tickets and when I asked her why it would cost $16 for a ticket she looked at me confused and told me that is how much 2 tickets cost.  I then repeated that I only wanted one ticket.  Then she asked why I only wanted one.

"I'm sorry just swipe my stupid card for $8 dollars and stop asking me questions!!!"  I didn't say that.  But I wanted to.  She gave me her best sad eyes as she swiped.  It's okay, nobody likes her either.  I'm sure of it.  haha

But then, after being recognized today I passed another staff member (later on) who smiles at me.  He seemed a little like he was flirting with me with the way he looked at me.  I felt better about my situation and I had mostly let the who "being recognized" thing go.  And then it happened, people.  The worst possible thing!  I went to the bathroom and as I was washing my hands I discovered why he had been looking at me.  It wasn't because he was flirting or thought I was cute or something.  I looked up to the mirror and I almost gasped.

I literally looked like a homeless person!!!  Yeah.  Like live in a box on the street sort of look.  My hair had partially come out of the hair tie.  The humidity had caused some fly away strands to curly in a not-at-all cute way around my temples.  The wind had blown hair in all the wrong places.  It was just bad.  So bad!  Oh my gosh.  Luckily the movie was over then.  I practically ran out of the theater vowing to never return.

Ever.

I may have to move.

An Idea

I was at work the other day when a story beginning came to me.

"Her feet were moving twice as fast as they ever had in all the hours she spent running over the years.  Warm breath pumped out between her lips in quick even puffs of white moisture.  The way ahead was deserted, at least for the moment.  She made a split second decision and rounded the corner of the tall concrete building next to her.  She could hear the drums up ahead.  Their beat rang in her ears.  For a second she wondered if the cadence was really just her heartbeat, but she knew better.  The crowds up ahead were coming into view now.  It was a sea of green.  She noted several small children on the shoulders of adults as they stretched their tiny hands forward to catch flying pieces of candy.  She knew she would need to try to blend into the masses. Her mind raced for ideas of how to do that with the bright orange that she was wearing.  She had forgotten today was a holiday, but it was the first lucky break she had had in a while."  

I would like to tell you that I know exactly what is happening in this girl's life...but I really don't.  I have gone through a few scenarios, but nothing feels quite right yet.  We will see.

Who's ready to ROCK the NaNo this year??

Fourth of July

I spent the 4th with Alex and her boyfriend, Michael, and his family.  We all went over to his parents house where his sister (who lives there) and brother/sister-in-law (who live in Houston) were all hanging out.  I have met Michael's parents before.  And they love me (as they should, haha).  But it sort of felt like I was at Thanksgiving or Christmas at someone else's house (minus the presents or cold weather), and I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time.  Everyone there knew everyone and we all sat around a big table and ate food and they talked about people and things I didn't know about.  I mean, it was fine, and I joined in where I could, but I still felt a little awkward.

Either way, after eating and a few people taking naps (haha), we headed off to the Rangers baseball game.  We were close to the top, but we were in the shade and had a perfect view of the field and the fireworks.  It was a close and exciting game and the fireworks show was amazing.  Overall we had a good time and I am glad I went with them.

Happy Independence Day America!

 These cupcakes were delicious!! But seriously!

 Jason pointed out to me the other day that Michael looks like my friend Trevor.  I had never put it together before he said it, but they do have the same facial hair and hair color.  I can see it.  Although Michael is Cuban...and Trevor is definitely not.  Haha

A Steal

The other day I will feeling "ugh" about my life so after work I went to this antique shop that I really like.  I was just browsing, not planning on buying anything when the clerk told me that all of their artwork was 50% off.  I decided to take a look at what they had and I found a piece that I really liked.  It was already marked down and was now 50% off of the marked down price.

Sold!

It is hanging by my front door with three nails holding it up.  It is pretty heavy, and I am fully expecting to come home from work one day and find it shattered all over the floor.  I just don't know how else to hang it.

Either way, I like it.  And it was a steal!

Failure

"What would you do if you knew you could not fail?"

My friend Sarah F. sent me a text a few weeks ago asking me the above question.  I hadn't spoken with her in a week or so...so I had no context for the question.  It took me a few minutes to understand what she was asking me.

Once my brain wrapped itself around the question it took off running with all sorts of ideas.  I mean...did you really read that question?  "...you COULD NOT fail!"  As in fool proof.  Guaranteed.  A sure thing.  That's powerful concept!

I think most of us shy away from failing at things in life.  We don't want it.  We try to avoid it.  We problem solve to make sure that we don't.

But we do fail.  We fail a lot, in fact.  It's something that's programmed into being a human.  We are imperfect.  We make mistakes.  We chose wrong paths.  Part of the problem may be that we don't know what will happen in the future.  Or maybe we are just afraid of the consequences.  I am not sure why failure is really such a devastating prospect, but it is.

Like most things in life, there has to be a happy medium when it comes to putting yourself in a situation where you could fail.  It would be foolish to sit in a padded room your whole life fearing things like stubbing your toe.  It would also be considered unwise to take every penny you have ever made in your life and bet it at a roulette table.  There is that middle ground we have to find.  We weigh the effort that has to be put in, the risk, and the possible outcomes...good or bad.  We ponder and we plan, and then we make decisions.

And sometimes we still fail.

On the scale of taking risks and putting myself out there, I sit somewhere between the padded room and the well balanced person.  Some days I'm closer to the well balanced person, and some days I'm all snuggled up to that stupid padded room.  But this quote has rolled around in my head and I keep coming back to it. The thing that still plagues me is I can't really figure out what is so awful about failing.  I mean, its not like I would be all alone in it.  Every single one of us has failed at something and will fail at something else in the future.  So why not dive out there and live life, right?

Yeah.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I have struggled with my weight for basically all of my life.  I cannot adequately explain to you how depressing it is to not know what it feels like to be thin...or average...or whatever.  I have pictures of myself as a young child where I was average or whatever you call it, but I cannot recall a time where I ever looked in a mirror and saw that person.  And it feels like I am failing life.  Like...I am failing at being healthy.  I am failing at treating myself like I should.  I am failing at really loving myself.  And as the quote rolled around up there, I thought to myself, "I want to be thin.  Healthy.  Average.  Not overweight."  And as I fantasized about that for the hundred millionth time something occurred to me that I hadn't ever considered before.

I realized that in this particular situation it is possible to have my ideal outcome guaranteed.  It totally blew my mind.  Like really!  Why hasn't anyone told me this before??  I realized that all that is required for this "ideal outcome" is effort on my part.  There is no magic trick to it.  There is no complicated formula.  There is no betting with odds or statistics.  If I put in the effort it WILL happen.

How empowering is that?!

And as my (now) blown mind pondered this concept of "guarantees," I wondered what else is followed this same formula.  I found another one.

The gospel.

Sure, there are covenants that have to be made and a lifetime of effort that is required.  But after that, short of giving up and getting off the train that is headed to heaven, we are in.  It's not like fighting cancer where they give you a percentage of surviving it, and no matter how hard you fight, you could still lose your life to it.  It's not like that.  We are required to give our best and rest is covered.  How amazing is that?!

So instead of asking you what you fantasize about doing that you could not fail at...

I ask you what you could succeed at if you just put in the effort?



Oh, and by the way, I did respond to Sarah's text message.  I told her that I would start a business and ask out the hottest guy I could find.  Haha!

The Exchange

"Decide what you want.  Decide what you are willing to exchange for it.  Establish your priorities and go to work."

I read this quote some time ago.  It got me thinking a lot about the word exchange.  I am pretty sure when this person posted the quote on Instagram they were referencing to working out and being fit.  I don't know who originated the quote and therefore don't know their original meaning of it.  It has, however, stuck with me ever since.

The word exchange literally means to give up something for something else; part with for some equivalent; change for another.

I think a lot of times in my life I feel like I am giving things up.  I am giving up my time.  Or giving up sweets.  Or giving up sleep.  Or giving up my money for this or that.  It gets kind of depressing when you think about life that way.  You feel like you aren't getting anything out of life.  Or maybe that you aren't living up the all the potential that life has to offer.  I don't know, but it's not good.  Then I get depressed about how life is no fun and just a tedious moment after another.  As I have thought on this quote, I have come across a new way of thinking that has gotten me out of my rut.

The quote doesn't ask you what you are willing to give up, it asks what you are willing to exchange.  Exchanging is a much nicer thought than dealing with having to give up all the things you love.  And we exchange all the time.

We exchange food for money at the grocery store.  We exchange our time/talent (careers) for money.  We exchange single lives for married ones.  We exchange service for blessings.  We exchange 9 months of pregnancy for a child.  We exchange reading our scriptures/prayer for a relationship with our Father in Heaven.  We exchange less tasty food (healthy food) for a healthier life.  We exchange our time working out for strong muscles. We exchange countless hours on our children's behalf for relationships with them and to make them strong, independent people.

The list can also work in the reverse way.  You can exchange all of your time at work for a poor relationship with your spouse and children.  You could exchange your health for bad food.  You could exchange inappropriate lustful desires for a poor marriage.  You can exchange unmanaged stress for a shortened life.  This list could literally go on forever.  We don't have time for all of that.  You get my point though, right?

I think sometimes I get hung up on working out because I don't want to give up my time.  But really, I am not "giving it up" per se.  I am exchanging the not working out for a less healthy body.  When I think of it this way, it causes me to think about what I really want for myself.  Is the exchange worth it? Sometimes it is.  Sometimes it is worth the extra rest, but somedays I see my future and I know the strong muscles and healthy body are worth the hour long struggle of working out.  The same is true for every area of my life.  I literally have to talk myself out of calling into work most mornings.  But the exchange is worth it.  I have an apartment.  I have food in my fridge.  I have nice furniture.  So I get up and go to work.

I challenge you to think about this next time life seems like it is being unfair or you have to do something you don't want to.  I am willing to bet if you really look, you will find the exchange.  And you will more than likely find the exchange worth it.