You are totes never going to believe this story! It is a long one, but so worth it in the end!
Yeah. I said totes.
Do I sound like a 16 year old girl yet? I actually hate the word "totes" used in this fashion. Although I laugh every time Amy says it to me. She swears she only says it for my benefit. And in that case I don't mind.
But since we are on the topic of 16 years olds, let me tell you a story about a girl I know. She is sixteen (of course). She has blonde hair and lots of friends. She gushes over cute boys at school and what the weekend plans hold. She is outwardly confident but carries herself in a way as to not spark too much attention in her own direction for fear it might cause unnecessary embarrassment. On the inside she is much more shy. Too shy most of the time. She feels awkward and insecure in situations that are new or uncontrolled.
She is me. Circa 1999.
In 1999 I spent a lot of time with my good friend Amy. In fact I spent much of my days, evenings and weekends throughout high school with her. We were tight. Still are. Amy was and still is reader. She would finish books at lightning speed. I was usually around somewhere trying desperately to coerce her into putting her book down and pay attention to me. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes not. I, on the other hand, was not a reader. Still not, although I try to force it sometimes. Anyways, back in 1999 she had finished a book (The Search for Wallace Whipple) and told me I had to read it because it was so funny. I took the book, looking at it's orange cover and its 300 some odd pages and wondered if I would ever finish such a long book. I took it home and began to read it. I moved ever so slow, because that was my pace. Slow.
To my surprise I was falling in love with this book with every page. It was about a 16 year old boy who wrote down the day's events in his journal. He was awkward and funny. He was kind to others and sometimes shy. He was everything I was, only more of it. So I could relate. He was more awkward. More shy. More funny. More kind. But nevertheless we were the same in a lot of ways. One day I finally finished the book and Amy and I laughed and laughed as we talked about it. We related to his fears and his awkwardness. It was great.
Fast forward about 13 years. Circa 2012.
I had a new home teacher from my ward. His name is Chris. He would come over and we would chat and laugh and tell stories. He would teach me a short lesson and he would go on his way. This went on for months. We would say hi to one another when we saw each other and then he would come back for a visit the next month. He told me the last time he came over that he was moving out of the ward and would no longer be my home teacher. I was a little sad, but I wished him well on his new adventures. Before he left he asked me what my plans were for the rest of the evening. I told him I would probably write. I was writing a book back then. A book about Maine. He told me that that was cool, and that his dad was a published author and his sister worked for a publisher. See here for my previous post about our conversation.
It was cool knowing someone who knew someone who had published a real live book that people, I am sure, read. I never did asked him what book his dad wrote. It never even occurred to me. He left that night and that was that.
Flash forward to a few weeks ago. Circa July 2013.
I decided I needed to spend more time reading. I figure it's probably good for my brain and it entertains me just as much as any movie (as long as it's interesting). So I set up an account on goodreads.com and I started rating all of the books that I have read recently, and in the past. Then I began filling my queue for books that I wanted to read in the future. I looked through other people's lists of what they had read and wanted to read. As I was reading some book title, I remembered the book (The Search for Wallace Whipple) that I had read so long ago. I looked it up, not knowing if it would even be in their system. Sure enough it was. I clicked on it, rated it, and read its short synopsis once again. Just as I was about to leave I glanced past the author's name and something caught my eye.
Do you know where I am going with this already?? (I bet you do!)
I recognized the author's name. Well, not his whole name, but his last name. The same last name as Chris, my old home teacher. As my head tilted sideways in wonder and confusion, I went to facebook and looked him up in my friends. His last name is the same! The wheels in my head were turning. My conversation with him started to come back. I looked at his "about" section (on facebook) to see if he had tagged his family members. Sure enough his father's name is the same name as the author of my favorite book in high!!
After I gasped, I think I said something like, "SHUT UP!!"
I immediately messaged Amy about my findings. She asked me if I was going to message him and ask him, or tell him that I loved that book? My original thought was no. I mean how awkward is it to get a message from a friend you haven't talked to in a while and they tell you that they think your dad is cool? Awkward. But after some thinking I messaged him anyways. I mean, I know how to have tact...sometimes.
I messaged him, knowing he doesn't use facebook often. I told him the (above) story (only in shorter form...which I am sure you all are wishing I had paid the same courtesy to you...haha). I didn't expect a message back for weeks. Months even. If any.
Ten minutes goes by and my phone notifies me I have a message back from him. He said something to the effect that he was glad to get my message and he will tell his dad that I loved his book because it will mean a lot to him.
Whaaaaaaaaaatttt?? Awesome!!!
Awesome is all I can say to that, right? I replied saying something boring...I am sure. Our conversation was over at that point. Or so I thought.
A few days went by and I got a new message from Chris. It said, "My dad was thrilled that you enjoyed the book. He just wrote another one and wants to give you a copy. What's your address?"
Shut. The. Front. Door!! Is this a joke??
More awesomeness!! Like can my life get any better??
Two weeks later I received a new crisp book in my mailbox. I may or may not have hugged that yellow envelop immediately after I ripped it out of the mailbox and then shredded it open.
At first the book looked too crisp and perfect to have ever been opened. My heart sank at the thought that he might not have signed it. I opened to the first page. Nothing. The second...nothing. Third, nothing. My heart was getting more and more sad. Then...page four.
A message and a signature.
It says: For all who understand that back roads are the best way home. "August 2013 Alison, From Wally Whipple to Loyal Wing, it's been good to share the same road. Best wishes to you, my friend, Don Smurthwaite"
(Side note: Loyal Wing is a character in this book)
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (angels are singing in the background and my heart is happy once more)!!!
After I read it I may or may not have hugged the book again. I messaged Chris and thanked him for being awesome. And then I messaged his dad and thanked him for the book (and added him as a friend on FB. I have no shame).
And that my friends is how life can be awesome! :))
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Monday, August 12, 2013
Goodwill
The other day I was hanging out with some friends and somehow the topic of shopping at Goodwill came up. One of the guys chimed in and said that he will never shop a Goodwill. Then he recanted a story about how his mom would take him and his siblings to Goodwill when he was a kid and he would refuse to go in. He would hide in the car and cover his head with a blanket to keep from anyone seeing him there.
I thought this was somewhat amusing. I mean, I guess I can understand it being embarrassing, but I shop there. Not regularly. In fact it had been several years since I had been there (when we were talking about it), but I'll admit that I go there.
And so I did, the next day. I was passing by one and I thought, "why not?" And let me just tell you. That place is amazing!
I mean, where else can you find these vintage grandma glasses from the 80s?
And where else can you find this...pink...shimmery...lacy phone?
I thought this was somewhat amusing. I mean, I guess I can understand it being embarrassing, but I shop there. Not regularly. In fact it had been several years since I had been there (when we were talking about it), but I'll admit that I go there.
And so I did, the next day. I was passing by one and I thought, "why not?" And let me just tell you. That place is amazing!
I mean, where else can you find these vintage grandma glasses from the 80s?
And where else can you find this...pink...shimmery...lacy phone?
And don't even get me started on this sofa! I mean, is this not the BEST sofa you have ever laid your eyeballs on?? I dare you to find a better looking sofa. I DARE you!
Good ol' Goodwill.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Theater
I go to the movies a lot. I like movies and there is one like 3 minutes from my house. They also serve food there. Like, real food. With waiters and everything. And the food is good. So I go. I usually go alone, though. This is due to the fact that I get bored and a lot of times I don't have anyone to go with me.
I remember the first time I went to a movie alone. I felt so awkward. Like everyone was staring at me. They probably weren't but I remember feeling liberated and also like I never wanted to do it again. I suppose it takes courage to go to the theater alone. Maybe. I don't feel courageous or anything.
But listen. I can't go there anymore.
Today when I went the girl at the window for tickets recognized me. She asked me if I had just been there recently. I said I had. I am starting to get recognized by the staff!! This is a bad sign. Really bad, people. I can't be that sad girl that comes to the theater alone all the time and her only friends are the people who take her money at the ticket window. I can't!!! I WON'T!
It was almost as bad as the time the girl charged me for two tickets and when I asked her why it would cost $16 for a ticket she looked at me confused and told me that is how much 2 tickets cost. I then repeated that I only wanted one ticket. Then she asked why I only wanted one.
"I'm sorry just swipe my stupid card for $8 dollars and stop asking me questions!!!" I didn't say that. But I wanted to. She gave me her best sad eyes as she swiped. It's okay, nobody likes her either. I'm sure of it. haha
But then, after being recognized today I passed another staff member (later on) who smiles at me. He seemed a little like he was flirting with me with the way he looked at me. I felt better about my situation and I had mostly let the who "being recognized" thing go. And then it happened, people. The worst possible thing! I went to the bathroom and as I was washing my hands I discovered why he had been looking at me. It wasn't because he was flirting or thought I was cute or something. I looked up to the mirror and I almost gasped.
I literally looked like a homeless person!!! Yeah. Like live in a box on the street sort of look. My hair had partially come out of the hair tie. The humidity had caused some fly away strands to curly in a not-at-all cute way around my temples. The wind had blown hair in all the wrong places. It was just bad. So bad! Oh my gosh. Luckily the movie was over then. I practically ran out of the theater vowing to never return.
Ever.
I may have to move.
I remember the first time I went to a movie alone. I felt so awkward. Like everyone was staring at me. They probably weren't but I remember feeling liberated and also like I never wanted to do it again. I suppose it takes courage to go to the theater alone. Maybe. I don't feel courageous or anything.
But listen. I can't go there anymore.
Today when I went the girl at the window for tickets recognized me. She asked me if I had just been there recently. I said I had. I am starting to get recognized by the staff!! This is a bad sign. Really bad, people. I can't be that sad girl that comes to the theater alone all the time and her only friends are the people who take her money at the ticket window. I can't!!! I WON'T!
It was almost as bad as the time the girl charged me for two tickets and when I asked her why it would cost $16 for a ticket she looked at me confused and told me that is how much 2 tickets cost. I then repeated that I only wanted one ticket. Then she asked why I only wanted one.
"I'm sorry just swipe my stupid card for $8 dollars and stop asking me questions!!!" I didn't say that. But I wanted to. She gave me her best sad eyes as she swiped. It's okay, nobody likes her either. I'm sure of it. haha
But then, after being recognized today I passed another staff member (later on) who smiles at me. He seemed a little like he was flirting with me with the way he looked at me. I felt better about my situation and I had mostly let the who "being recognized" thing go. And then it happened, people. The worst possible thing! I went to the bathroom and as I was washing my hands I discovered why he had been looking at me. It wasn't because he was flirting or thought I was cute or something. I looked up to the mirror and I almost gasped.
I literally looked like a homeless person!!! Yeah. Like live in a box on the street sort of look. My hair had partially come out of the hair tie. The humidity had caused some fly away strands to curly in a not-at-all cute way around my temples. The wind had blown hair in all the wrong places. It was just bad. So bad! Oh my gosh. Luckily the movie was over then. I practically ran out of the theater vowing to never return.
Ever.
I may have to move.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
An Idea
I was at work the other day when a story beginning came to me.
I would like to tell you that I know exactly what is happening in this girl's life...but I really don't. I have gone through a few scenarios, but nothing feels quite right yet. We will see.
Who's ready to ROCK the NaNo this year??
"Her feet were moving twice as fast as they ever had in all the hours she spent running over the years. Warm breath pumped out between her lips in quick even puffs of white moisture. The way ahead was deserted, at least for the moment. She made a split second decision and rounded the corner of the tall concrete building next to her. She could hear the drums up ahead. Their beat rang in her ears. For a second she wondered if the cadence was really just her heartbeat, but she knew better. The crowds up ahead were coming into view now. It was a sea of green. She noted several small children on the shoulders of adults as they stretched their tiny hands forward to catch flying pieces of candy. She knew she would need to try to blend into the masses. Her mind raced for ideas of how to do that with the bright orange that she was wearing. She had forgotten today was a holiday, but it was the first lucky break she had had in a while."
I would like to tell you that I know exactly what is happening in this girl's life...but I really don't. I have gone through a few scenarios, but nothing feels quite right yet. We will see.
Who's ready to ROCK the NaNo this year??
Friday, July 26, 2013
Fourth of July
I spent the 4th with Alex and her boyfriend, Michael, and his family. We all went over to his parents house where his sister (who lives there) and brother/sister-in-law (who live in Houston) were all hanging out. I have met Michael's parents before. And they love me (as they should, haha). But it sort of felt like I was at Thanksgiving or Christmas at someone else's house (minus the presents or cold weather), and I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time. Everyone there knew everyone and we all sat around a big table and ate food and they talked about people and things I didn't know about. I mean, it was fine, and I joined in where I could, but I still felt a little awkward.
Either way, after eating and a few people taking naps (haha), we headed off to the Rangers baseball game. We were close to the top, but we were in the shade and had a perfect view of the field and the fireworks. It was a close and exciting game and the fireworks show was amazing. Overall we had a good time and I am glad I went with them.
Happy Independence Day America!
These cupcakes were delicious!! But seriously!
Jason pointed out to me the other day that Michael looks like my friend Trevor. I had never put it together before he said it, but they do have the same facial hair and hair color. I can see it. Although Michael is Cuban...and Trevor is definitely not. Haha
Either way, after eating and a few people taking naps (haha), we headed off to the Rangers baseball game. We were close to the top, but we were in the shade and had a perfect view of the field and the fireworks. It was a close and exciting game and the fireworks show was amazing. Overall we had a good time and I am glad I went with them.
Happy Independence Day America!
These cupcakes were delicious!! But seriously!
Jason pointed out to me the other day that Michael looks like my friend Trevor. I had never put it together before he said it, but they do have the same facial hair and hair color. I can see it. Although Michael is Cuban...and Trevor is definitely not. Haha
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
A Steal
The other day I will feeling "ugh" about my life so after work I went to this antique shop that I really like. I was just browsing, not planning on buying anything when the clerk told me that all of their artwork was 50% off. I decided to take a look at what they had and I found a piece that I really liked. It was already marked down and was now 50% off of the marked down price.
Sold!
It is hanging by my front door with three nails holding it up. It is pretty heavy, and I am fully expecting to come home from work one day and find it shattered all over the floor. I just don't know how else to hang it.
Either way, I like it. And it was a steal!
Sold!
It is hanging by my front door with three nails holding it up. It is pretty heavy, and I am fully expecting to come home from work one day and find it shattered all over the floor. I just don't know how else to hang it.
Either way, I like it. And it was a steal!
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Failure
"What would you do if you knew you could not fail?"
My friend Sarah F. sent me a text a few weeks ago asking me the above question. I hadn't spoken with her in a week or so...so I had no context for the question. It took me a few minutes to understand what she was asking me.
Once my brain wrapped itself around the question it took off running with all sorts of ideas. I mean...did you really read that question? "...you COULD NOT fail!" As in fool proof. Guaranteed. A sure thing. That's powerful concept!
I think most of us shy away from failing at things in life. We don't want it. We try to avoid it. We problem solve to make sure that we don't.
But we do fail. We fail a lot, in fact. It's something that's programmed into being a human. We are imperfect. We make mistakes. We chose wrong paths. Part of the problem may be that we don't know what will happen in the future. Or maybe we are just afraid of the consequences. I am not sure why failure is really such a devastating prospect, but it is.
Like most things in life, there has to be a happy medium when it comes to putting yourself in a situation where you could fail. It would be foolish to sit in a padded room your whole life fearing things like stubbing your toe. It would also be considered unwise to take every penny you have ever made in your life and bet it at a roulette table. There is that middle ground we have to find. We weigh the effort that has to be put in, the risk, and the possible outcomes...good or bad. We ponder and we plan, and then we make decisions.
And sometimes we still fail.
On the scale of taking risks and putting myself out there, I sit somewhere between the padded room and the well balanced person. Some days I'm closer to the well balanced person, and some days I'm all snuggled up to that stupid padded room. But this quote has rolled around in my head and I keep coming back to it. The thing that still plagues me is I can't really figure out what is so awful about failing. I mean, its not like I would be all alone in it. Every single one of us has failed at something and will fail at something else in the future. So why not dive out there and live life, right?
Yeah.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I have struggled with my weight for basically all of my life. I cannot adequately explain to you how depressing it is to not know what it feels like to be thin...or average...or whatever. I have pictures of myself as a young child where I was average or whatever you call it, but I cannot recall a time where I ever looked in a mirror and saw that person. And it feels like I am failing life. Like...I am failing at being healthy. I am failing at treating myself like I should. I am failing at really loving myself. And as the quote rolled around up there, I thought to myself, "I want to be thin. Healthy. Average. Not overweight." And as I fantasized about that for the hundred millionth time something occurred to me that I hadn't ever considered before.
I realized that in this particular situation it is possible to have my ideal outcome guaranteed. It totally blew my mind. Like really! Why hasn't anyone told me this before?? I realized that all that is required for this "ideal outcome" is effort on my part. There is no magic trick to it. There is no complicated formula. There is no betting with odds or statistics. If I put in the effort it WILL happen.
How empowering is that?!
And as my (now) blown mind pondered this concept of "guarantees," I wondered what else is followed this same formula. I found another one.
The gospel.
Sure, there are covenants that have to be made and a lifetime of effort that is required. But after that, short of giving up and getting off the train that is headed to heaven, we are in. It's not like fighting cancer where they give you a percentage of surviving it, and no matter how hard you fight, you could still lose your life to it. It's not like that. We are required to give our best and rest is covered. How amazing is that?!
So instead of asking you what you fantasize about doing that you could not fail at...
I ask you what you could succeed at if you just put in the effort?
Oh, and by the way, I did respond to Sarah's text message. I told her that I would start a business and ask out the hottest guy I could find. Haha!
Once my brain wrapped itself around the question it took off running with all sorts of ideas. I mean...did you really read that question? "...you COULD NOT fail!" As in fool proof. Guaranteed. A sure thing. That's powerful concept!
I think most of us shy away from failing at things in life. We don't want it. We try to avoid it. We problem solve to make sure that we don't.
But we do fail. We fail a lot, in fact. It's something that's programmed into being a human. We are imperfect. We make mistakes. We chose wrong paths. Part of the problem may be that we don't know what will happen in the future. Or maybe we are just afraid of the consequences. I am not sure why failure is really such a devastating prospect, but it is.
Like most things in life, there has to be a happy medium when it comes to putting yourself in a situation where you could fail. It would be foolish to sit in a padded room your whole life fearing things like stubbing your toe. It would also be considered unwise to take every penny you have ever made in your life and bet it at a roulette table. There is that middle ground we have to find. We weigh the effort that has to be put in, the risk, and the possible outcomes...good or bad. We ponder and we plan, and then we make decisions.
And sometimes we still fail.
On the scale of taking risks and putting myself out there, I sit somewhere between the padded room and the well balanced person. Some days I'm closer to the well balanced person, and some days I'm all snuggled up to that stupid padded room. But this quote has rolled around in my head and I keep coming back to it. The thing that still plagues me is I can't really figure out what is so awful about failing. I mean, its not like I would be all alone in it. Every single one of us has failed at something and will fail at something else in the future. So why not dive out there and live life, right?
Yeah.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I have struggled with my weight for basically all of my life. I cannot adequately explain to you how depressing it is to not know what it feels like to be thin...or average...or whatever. I have pictures of myself as a young child where I was average or whatever you call it, but I cannot recall a time where I ever looked in a mirror and saw that person. And it feels like I am failing life. Like...I am failing at being healthy. I am failing at treating myself like I should. I am failing at really loving myself. And as the quote rolled around up there, I thought to myself, "I want to be thin. Healthy. Average. Not overweight." And as I fantasized about that for the hundred millionth time something occurred to me that I hadn't ever considered before.
I realized that in this particular situation it is possible to have my ideal outcome guaranteed. It totally blew my mind. Like really! Why hasn't anyone told me this before?? I realized that all that is required for this "ideal outcome" is effort on my part. There is no magic trick to it. There is no complicated formula. There is no betting with odds or statistics. If I put in the effort it WILL happen.
How empowering is that?!
And as my (now) blown mind pondered this concept of "guarantees," I wondered what else is followed this same formula. I found another one.
The gospel.
Sure, there are covenants that have to be made and a lifetime of effort that is required. But after that, short of giving up and getting off the train that is headed to heaven, we are in. It's not like fighting cancer where they give you a percentage of surviving it, and no matter how hard you fight, you could still lose your life to it. It's not like that. We are required to give our best and rest is covered. How amazing is that?!
So instead of asking you what you fantasize about doing that you could not fail at...
I ask you what you could succeed at if you just put in the effort?
Oh, and by the way, I did respond to Sarah's text message. I told her that I would start a business and ask out the hottest guy I could find. Haha!
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